My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
