I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize