Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
