Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
