Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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