booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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