i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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