He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
