i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
