I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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