allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
