i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
