He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
