Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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