Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
