6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
