i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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