you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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