one two three fourrrrnication!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize