best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
