My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
