I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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