I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
