I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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