I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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