shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
