evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
