Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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