FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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