After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
