In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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