Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
