Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
