Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
