Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
