Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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