Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
