Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
