I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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