Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
