can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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