Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
