I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
