farters have to be the big spoon...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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