ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
