Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
