Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
