Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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