You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
