i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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