Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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