i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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