Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
