I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
