If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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