Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
