just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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