just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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