better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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