Don't make out with my wife yet
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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