Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
