I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
no. you can't hotbox the world.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
