Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
