Umm I'm too high to move.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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