Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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