Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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