sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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