But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
