Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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