she woke up with a sticky ear
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
