Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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