my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
