distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
