Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
