I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
